The other day 6/22 when I posted the first blog in many months, I realized just that: I had disappeared from this venue and basically had shut down socially, mentally and physically… (Warning: personal sharing follows.)
Some of you know, most don’t – I fell at the end of January. It was a painful awakening, and I have to admit, a hard realization of the fact that I am not 30 (or even 40) anymore… The fact that I wasn’t able to catch myself, and ended up face first into the sidewalk, scared the bejesus out of me. I visited the new primary care doctor the next morning and after neck x-rays; was given several basic rules to take care of myself and be patient that “at my age” aches and pains can seem more severe and that I’ll take longer to heal. (HUMPH!) I was too sore to argue and went home with my ego bruised as well.
So I stopped walking for a while – okay quite a while… I was recuperating for what seemed like forever, only I didn’t. My aches and pains were not getting better, I was still in pain, and my shoulders/upper back felt stiff. Over the next month and into March, I started to notice that my eyesight was changing, I was having trouble seeing to drive at night. My close-up vision seemed okay – but peripheral and distance seemed to be getting worse. I made an appointment with the eye Dr only to find that my eyes had changed an entire diopter in 6 months!
In addition, I noticed over the previous few weeks that anytime I drank alcohol I was severely limited the following day. Whether I had 1,2 or more, I was feeling like I’d drank all night and felt it the next morning. April 1, was the last of those shenanigans… too funny, I just realized it was April fool’s day… the universe has a funny sense of humor!
On top of all that, I started to get headaches and seemed much more irritable around the family, I thought it was from the physical aches and pains and discomfort of the headaches, but something felt so off. I went to a chiropractor, went regularly to the massage therapist, and started Acupuncture. Loud noises started getting unbearable – remember that I live in a house with three youngsters- and I started to have more grief bursts and depressive episodes.
Thinking that this had to be in my head now, I thought I needed more of a ‘head/mental’ approach. I had been given the name of a psychologist after Kristina’s death by my primary and I found the card, called and surprisingly got in the next day when she had a cancellation. She felt certain that it was a TBI (traumatic brain injury) from the fall, and explained that yes, all of those physical symptoms/effects could have resulted from a TBI and also cause more depression and difficulty managing my emotions.
I felt like a veil had been lifted and I cried when I realized that I wasn’t losing my mind, so grateful for the hope and the realization that I could have done some REAL damage to myself and thanked God for another day. After the visit, while doing some self-analysis, I realized how much I had retreated into myself. I stopped going to Trivia, Al-anon, and other venues, and spent a great deal of time in my room and probably had been a pretty different person for a couple of months.
I kept up the self-care with massages, even took a couple of trips to see family, tried to feed my soul, and basically just laid low and tried to keep the business going. I finally went back to my primary with the TBI diagnosis… and told him about the past few months. He recommended a visit to the Neuropsychologist (NP) to see if there was any cognitive damage, and to follow up after I’d been tested.
Fast forward to today: I saw my primary on Tuesday and explained that I’ve been to the eye doctor 6? times now to try to get the prescription corrected – the optometrist is being patient but we’re not there yet… I went through an all-day NP assessment, which I passed… Great news is that there is no sign of cognitive impairments, and currently no sign of dementia or Alzheimers – which had been something I was concerned about considering family health. Next step is an MRI and possibly some treatment for depression. Much more to come 🙂
I thought I would pass on some fascinating information I’ve found while spending time self-diagnosing on the internet (insert eyeroll!) I’ve discovered that I’m CLEARLY not the only one googling TBI and found it is a fascinating area of research and discovery.
TMS therapy This has been used by my NP for 10 years with great success.
The Mind-eye Institute Hopefully won’t need this… but great to know it’s an option – and the testimonials are amazing.
So, that’s where I’ve been… recuperating, and I’m getting there!
more pictures of Aléa and the boys at the beach in the very near future when I can figure out what the deal is with the funky picture uploading issue…hopefully they will load!
